After a week off, I’m back. The Flap Gawd has returned to make it rain flap!
I had to take last week off for a couple of reasons. #1) I had to make sure that ya’ll missed the weekly edition of the Flap Street Journal, The GQ of Flap, The Maxim of Flappage, The Source of Pop, The NY Flaptimes, the scrolls of the Flappy, etc etc. #2) There was really a lot of shit going on but I didn’t know what they were gonna be looking like (that’s the blind leading the blind); #3) I was busy as fuck on Thursday and Friday.
But none of that matters because I’m back like cooked crack in the flesh! I’m leading the league in like 6 statistical categories right now. One of which, includes assists. I’ve thrown more assists this summer than CP3 and my man Stockton combined.
And I promise you, when you sit down at your desk on Monday, you will look like this
I have a few issues to address:
1) People are saying that I should do a website that’s like www.idontdoclubs.com. No knock on them, but that aint me. I do clubs. Not only do I do clubs. But I do FLAP. So if I get the inkling that your event is fitting to flap, or at the very least has the potential of flap, then I’m in there like swimwear.
Like a bikini on a fat joint… (Bad mental image L)
I’ll share it with you lol
2) “Is there really anything else on the agenda besides Grits & Biscuits?” – Upon hearing this question, I had many different reactions. First it was à
Then I was like
Ultimately, I was like
Just because you go to a steakhouse doesn’t mean, there isn’t some other good shit on the menu right? How dare you question whether the Zeus of Flap could provide more events on what could possibly be the FLAPPIEST WEEKEND OF THE SUMMER!!!!!
But without further ado, (despite my lack of editing, I be knowing English yo – 2 CHAINNNNNNSSSS) I present the Flaptinerary
Do yall really need me to describe this event? This event is only two years old, but has thoroughly taken the nation by storm. Like let’s be for real here, we all know its gonna flap. Its so flappy that the demand caused them to add a second night. Where else can you go with absolutely no dress code (I assure you that dudes will be in cargo shorts, and joints will be in bikini tops) and get it flappy to some of the most ignorant shit you’ll ever hear on the radio? I can go to a down south basement party, and not worry about getting shot? I’m in there. Word has it that Hov & B might stop by again to…
10pm – Grits & Biscuits – 17 Irving Plaza – Advanced tickets are sold out, but there will be some available at the door.
10pm – 30 for 30. I’m 30 July 30th – Trump World Bar – 845 United Nations Plaza (E. 48th and 1st Avenue) – If you were fortunate enough to get tickets for the Saturday G&B, and don’t wanna hit the same venue two nights in a row, or don’t bang with G&B at all, this is where you should be. (Can you believe that there are people who say they don’t bang with Grits and Biscuits though? Like you a whole chump for that shit. I don’t really even know who you are, but I hate you and everything you stand for. With yo ole bougie ass. We about the FLAP but you about the FLOP). This event has a solid DJ with DJ gWiz on the tables. I’ve been personally informed that this event will be a warm up for the Saturday G&B. If you can make the trek to 1st Avenue, this will be a good look.
I really feel that every event on Saturday is just leading up to G&B. This is both exhilarating and flappy as all hell. I’m kind of like this à
12pm – “Bacchanalia Brunch” – The DL – 95 Delancey St – First and foremost, I am very hesitant to send anything to a group of primarily successful, young, black men and women, located at a spot named “The DL.” Putting those concerns aside, this event has the potential of reaching a critical mass of flap. $45 gets you your food and a pitcher of some cocktail they’re serving. There will be a DJ there (it’s a bit presumptuous as a DJ to call yourself “The Party Rocker” no?) and the party should go til 6pm.
12pm – “The Annual Purple & Gold VIP BBQ: Brooklyn Style” – Prospect Park – 95 Prospect Park West – First of all, how you give me a street address to a big ass park? How am I supposed to find where you are? In any case, the Brothers of the Zeta Psi Chapter of Omega Psi Phi are hosting a BBQ. I went last year. It is a good look. Matter of fact, it is more than a good look. It is a great look. There will be women, there will be chicken, there will be OIL. Need I say more? If you need me to say more, this aint the event for you breh
1pm – “Swim II: A Day Pool Party” – Room Mate Grace Hotel – 125 W.45th St – I don’t know why I am putting this in the flap guide. I really don’t. I know for sure, this aint gonna be like the pool party I went to in Vegas (which was absolutely the best party I have ever been to in my whole entire life). I know that the last pool party that they had was only marginal flappy ($40 a head at the door? Take that entire shit up the block fam) I know that it is likely that the people you wanna see only marginally dressed will not be, and the people who you really wish you didn’t have to lay eyes on will be naked. However, THIS IS FUCKING AMERICA. We’re about second chances. (Unless your young and black, recidivism rates are fucking gananas). We take fucking risks! (See: Mortgage Bubble, Internet Bubble, Student Loan Bubble) And this is a fucking risk, but you don’t get rewards without a risk and setbacks pave the way for comebacks and it rains in Spain mostly in the plains. In any case, I might fuck with it, b/c who knows, it might flap.
2pm – “Let’s Celebrate – Nicole’s 26th Birthday Brunch” – Pranna – 79 Madison Ave – Now, I am 100% positive that most of you don’t know my homie Nicole. And you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Why in the entire fucks of Thailand is this man inviting me to some random joints birthday brunch?” But you see the thing is, that I’m not really inviting you to her brunch. I’m inviting you to a brunch where the music will be poppin on some Vegas, techno shit. I am 100% positive Mary, Keisha and Molly will be in attendance there. I am 100% positive that there will be some absolutely gorgeous women there. So what’s the issue? In the words of the preacher from Don’t Be a Menace to South Central While Drinking Your Juice in the Hood, “Don’t ask no questions!” http://www.youtube.com/watch?
10pm – I’m not putting the address, I’m lazy. I wrote it up top. You say I should copy and paste, I’ll pass on that. Copying and pasting is for the birds. You probably were waiting to hear or read what I would say about this event. I mean I already spoke about night 1 above, but this is the main event. The event in which the rest of the events orbit around. But in reality, I don’t know what to say. I, of all people, am at a lost for words. Never thought I would be able to admit that. All I’m saying is be there. I’m going both nights. So when you see me and my squad roll up in a mini van, just remember that we’re playing no games. The Mystery Machine will be in full effect Saturday night. If you’re not excited, fuck you.
3pm – “BlackLight Entertainment & Block Association Present Sky’s The Limit” Part 3 – Rooftop Brunch Day Party” – Copacabana – 268 West 47th St. Bet 8th Ave & Broadway – I’ve mentioned the events that these 2 groups throw. If you wanna see some really well dressed, older folks, this is where you need to be. Straight up, women need to be there to get chosen. Men, go get you a cougar/sugar mommy.
If anyone wants to know what events I will actually be attending, hit me up at @Peyso. If you have my number, you can use that too