The 26 Most Absurd Things 50 Cent Has Ever Rapped

From his constant rap beefs and his strange taste in women to his ill-advised outing as a football-playing cancer patient in an indie film, Curtis “50 Cent” Jackson is an absurd dude.

But by far the most obvious indications of 50 Cent’s craziness are his frequently violent/creepy, occasionally indecipherable lyrics.

Check out our definitive list, then hit our playlist to listen to each of these songs from the G-Unit captain.

The 26 Most Absurd Things 50 Cent Has Ever Rapped

A. “N***** say they gunna murk 50, how? / We ridin’ ’round with guns the size of Lil Bow Bow” on “Wanksta”

B. “I’m the boss on this boat, you should call me skipper / The way they turn this money over, you should call me flipper” on “Patiently Waiting”

C. “If you watch how I move, you mistake me for a playa, pimp / Been hit with a few shells but I don’t walk with a limp (I’m aaaight)” on “In Da Club”

D. “In bed, I’m like a wizard” on “Definition Of Sexy”

E. “I’ll take you to the candy shop / I’ll let you lick the lollipop / go head girl don’t you stop / keep going till you hit the spot” on “Candy Shop”

F. ”I got dreams of f**king an R&B b*tch / except I wake up early and bounce with all her sh*t” on “How To Rob”

G. “I got the magic stick, I’m the love doctor” on “Candy Shop”

H. “I built an empire on the low the narcs don’t know / I’m the weather man I take that coco leaf and make that snow” on “Hustler’s Ambition”

I. “You should’t throw stones if you live in a glass house” on “Patiently Waiting”

J. “These industry n***** are startin’ to look like something / I snatch Kim, tell Puff if you wanna see her again, dance your ass down to the nearest ATM” on “How To Rob”

K. “If I do not fit, I’m gunna make it” on “Down On Me”

L. “Clickity clank, clickity clank, the money goes in to my piggy bank” on “Piggy Bank”

M. “When I ain’t in the hood with my toast out loc’n / I’m in the telly workin’ up a sweat strokin’” on “Magic Stick”

N. ”I’ll break it down for you baby it’s simple / If you be a nympho, I’ll be a nympho” on “Candy Shop”

O. ”Kiss you like the French do, put my tongue in your ear / Do it like the dogs do and pull on your hair” on “Best Friend”

P. ”Run up on Timbaland and Missy [Elliot] with the pound, like ‘You, gimme the cash. You put the hot dog down.’” on “How To Rob”

Q. “My baby momma boyfriend like to talk like he can hurt me / I’m laughing ’cause she kissed him on his mouth and give him herpes” on “Flight 187″

R. “Have a baby by my baby, be a millionaire / I’ll write the check before the baby comes” on “I Get Money”

S. “It’s the perfect time for a magic trick / Girl you know it’s no fun without the magic stick / Now watch me as I pull a rabbit out a hat and you can use the rabbit all over your cat” on “Amusement Park”

T. “Summertime, white Porsche Carrera is milky” on “Window Shopper”

U. “You ain’t got to take those panties off, just pull them to the side / If you wanna ride on the roller coaster, then come on and ride” on “Amusement Park”

V. “I’ll pop you punk n***** like I pop my collar” on “Poppin’ Them Thangs”

W. “Around the bullsh*t like a matador” on “We Up”

X. “I’m laughing straight to the bank with this ha ha ha, ha ha, ha ha ha” on “Straight to the Bank”

Y. “I’ll rob [Big] Pun without a gun, snatch his piece and run / This n**** weight 400 pounds how he catch me son?” on “How To Rob”

Z. “I love you like a fat kid loves cake” on “21 Questions”

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