Dear Loyal Subjects of Flap,
It is I, the friar of flap, the lord of the lascivious, your flapness, the Duke of Brooklyn, the mayor of madness, The Hood’s Marty Markowitz, Sir Flappy McFlapstar, el bachatero of the flap dance floor, Froto of the Flapshire, Marty McFlap, it is me Sir Lord Duke Flappington of House Flappister, first of his name. The purveyor of all things popping. The Steebie J of Flap. The Orange is the New Black Crazy Eyes of Flapping.
The summer is winding down as indicated by the cooling weather. You gotta ask yourself what you want out of the summer. You gotta look into your less flappy self, the baby version of you. #NoDrake (what’s really wrong with your boy though? Its too bad he looks like a thumb already.)
Pre-Game – 6pm-12am – Studio XX! – 59 W. 21st St. – I have no clue who is throwing the event. I do know that there is something about this venue that leads to turning up. Maybe it’s the bouncer being a douche. Maybe it the fact that the venue is surprisingly small. Maybe it’s the fact that Slate is across the street and is always a viable option. However, what I do know is that this joint will turn up. Plus, my main man Austin Millz is on the turntables. I don’t even like Kappas, but since they’re founded in 1911 they are the next closest to getting it right. Word to Elder Diggs and the Three Musketeers. I just smoked Ques and Kappas in one sentence. #UOENO #Smokedya #Whosyourdean? #TripleEntendredontaskmehow
Vibe 20th Anniversary – 9pm-1am – No. 8 – 357 W. 16th St. – Vibe throws solid events. This should be no different. Questlove will definitely have this joint rocking. Also, its sponsored by Tecate and Smoke Vodka. (What is Smoke Vodka?!?! Take that shit up the block)
PEYSO’S SIGNATURE EVENT – TWRKFST – 10pm – Tammany Hall – 152 Orchard St – I don’t have much to say about this event. If you’re not going to be here, I really just don’t fcuk with you. How you no like twerk? I didn’t even know they still made people like you. Twerking is an art form. Open bar from 10-11. The rules for this event say everything that I would normally say. See the rules @ pro bono bankruptcy attorney
Everyday People @ AfroPunk – 12pm=9pm – Commodore Berry Park – If last week wasn’t enough evidence that everyday people is the turn up, you’re either blind (actually this wouldn’t do it because you can hear the flap), deaf (wouldn’t you be able to see the flap) or dumb (no excuse here). Well, the Everyday People crowd is coming to AfroPunk (did you think they wouldn’t?) and they’re bringing the bol Chef Roble. For $50 you get to skip the line that will be inevitably long, get some grub, which would inevitably be overpriced and a drink or two. When you describe this event like this, the $50 price doesn’t seem that steep. #SayNotoPretense how does viagra affect models
Fun Up the Brunch – 12pm – The Stellan – 2 W. 35th St – This is thrown by a group of folk called Fun with Friends. Dead ass this looks very promising. Everyone sits at one big table and there is a very varied crowd. (There is less of a chance that the guy/girl that you’re dating is your ex-boo’s LS/LB/neo/RA/Former booty call).ond. However, who the hell do they think they are that they run the summer. I run this boy word as b Also, $35 for your entrée and unlimited bellinis, mimosas and rum punch is not a bad deal. Check their website for RSVP info and some pictures tax back uk
Brazen Heights – 12pm-4pm – Elberta’s – 335 Flatbush Ave – Another event thrown by Vibe, which pretty much ensures that the event will be half decent. $30 for a breakfast buffet and unlimited mimosas. Sounds like an amazing deal to me. PLUS IT IS IN BROOKLYN. What sane person actually likes leaving Brooklyn on the weekend? Not I.
Pre-VMA Pamper Party – 3pm-6pm – Hidden Location – This is for the “I don’t want to drink/I don’t really turn up/I don’t do club” crowd. Here’s a chance to enjoy what I believe to be a 3 hour spa day. Go get you hurr did, and let someone mess it up.
The one thing I don’t like is this whole super secretive BS. Like forcing someone to RSVP to get the location. Stop acting like the email isn’t going to be forwarded 1000s of times. In any case, here is the email that you should write to. email@example.com
Official Timbaland VMA Pre-party – 9pm – Hudson Terrace – 621 W. 46th St – I don’t know shit about this event. But I fcuks with Timbaland. Show up early if you want to get in. The question is whether swole Timbaland or Fat Timbaland is going to show up.
The Red Cup Party: Riddimz and Booze Edition – 9pm-4am – Pulse 48 Outdoor Complex – 1020 E. 48th St. – I usually don’t go south of Eastern Parkway unless I’m growing to my grandmama’s house. I mean really. Everything I normally want in life is north of the street designed after the Champs-Elysse. However, I know that my Caribbean massive might be looking for something that is more their speed. And when the loyal flap followers ask, the loyal flap followers shall receive. The damage at the door is hefty at $25 but I think that this comes with an open bar that serves drinks in 16 oz cups. In any case, this definitely I slight warm up for the ridiculousness that is labor day.
The Kickoff Music Weekend – 10pm – Avenue – 116 10th Ave – Hennessy sponsored Wiz Khalifa concert. AYCD Hennessy. Say no mas.
The Turn Up – 10pm-4am – VL – 167 Bleecker St. – This joint is thrown by the same people who are throwing the Pre-Game mentioned heretofore. I know not a damn thing about the venue or the promoter or the crowd, but the way I see it, it cant be worse than some of the events that some of these tired promoters are throwing these days.
Surprise Party NYC – 10pm-4am – Le Poisson Rouge – 158 Bleecker St. – The first time I heard about the party, I was like “wtf is this bullshit.” But sometime you gotta step out on faith. You gotta walk by sight, not by faith. And when I stepped out on faith, my oh my did this come through. The good thing about this is that the dress code is laid back and the crowd is laid back. This really should be marketed as the TWRKFST part 2.
#BottleFest – 10pm-You Die – 116-22 171st St – So two real funny cats from twitter are throwing a Queens kickback meets/ turn all the way type flow. I am definitely going to be making this move as the women will most likely have degrees but lack pretense lol. Plus, broadening one’s horizon is never a bad thing. The only problem is that Queens is the most confusing place on earth. $10 entry with a bottle.
The Block Association Presents “Dear Summer” The Brunch To End Summer Of Brunches – 2pm-9pm – Hotel on Rivington – 107 Rivington St – This is thrown by the Block Association. I didn’t want to put this on the list. I didn’t want to put this on the last list. But they clearly must have some success because they keep throwing parties. Why do they announce their parties with 3 page long emails? Their elaborate ass dress code “GENTS: (Pay Close Attention): Tailored jeans, polo shirts, classic colored button down shirts, Argyle shirts/sweaters, V-neck t-shirts w/summer blazers, printed pants, classic white sneakers, lofters, driving moccasins, Madras pants/shirts, plaid attire as well.” ??? Why cant they just let people be great? I hate them.
Beats & Booze – 3pm-9pm – Dyckman Bar – 221 Dyckman St – The people who are throwing this are the same people who are throwing the Pre-game and The Turn Up. I like that they’re thinking outside of the box. An event uptown, way uptown. There has to be at least 15 Dominican women that will be at this event by mistake just because they were wandering down Dyckman. Plus if this joint sucks, you can always hit La Marina.