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Dear Loyal Subjects of Flap,
It is I, the friar of flap, the lord of the lascivious, your flapness, the Duke of Brooklyn, the mayor of madness, The Hood’s Marty Markowitz, Sir Flappy McFlapstar, el bachatero of the flap dance floor, Froto of the Flapshire, Marty McFlap, it is me Sir Lord Duke Flappington of House Flappister, first of his name. The purveyor of all things popping. The Steebie J of Flap. The Orange is the New Black Crazy Eyes of Flapping.
It has been exactly 75 days since my last flap concession. A mofo been busy though: a couple of weddings here and there; this little thing called the Bar Exam; and just generally laying low. However, I am free. I am imprisoned no longer! The bar has robbed me of this summer; it took the most legendary Grits & Biscuits from me. It took away the most flappiest of Crawfish Boils from me. It will not rob me of August. SEE MY RELATIONSHIP WITH THE BAR
Believe it or not, there are people who still don’t listen to me. They don’t trust me when it comes to this flapping sh*t. This is what I do. But if your weekend ends up trash, all I have to say isà
(You’ll notice that there are some noticeable events missing (Mad Decent Block Party & the accompanying after party) No use in putting an event on here that’s sold out. Just pointless).
South N The City – 5:30pm - Studio XXI - 59 W. 21st Street – This event is pretty much a monthly occurrence. It will most likely be turnt. Imagine Grits if you didn’t have time to go home and change after work. Yes, people will turn up and lose their minds exactly 30 minutes after putting on their “white people” voice at work. Code switching is important. However, I’m worried about this “event” that is half party, half after work, and half happy hour. Yes that equals 1.5 – Oh I’m so good at a math! It doesn’t matter how good at math I am because somewhere in America –
You Only Live Once – 11pm – Lexicon – 226 E. 54th St. – JI Group and Blacklight Entertainment – I was waiting for the sign, some indication, the bat signal, to finally bury the word or phrase “YOLO.” There are instances in our lives where you do not have to discern through the high grass and the weeds. THIS IS IT!!! When a group of perpetually the oldest people in the club use the phrase for a party literally over a year after the use of the phrase became prominent, trust assure its dead. These mofos old, but if you looking for a more “mature” guy or a woman who knows what she wants this is where you need to go. Yes, they’re old but I guess they aren’t that bad.
Everyday People Brunch – 12pm – The DL – 95 Delancey St. – I’ll be here late on Saturday (sometime before I possibly hit the next event). This is where I go to dodge the pretentious Ivy League/Top 25 Schools/Spelman/Howard jawns. (No offense but yall be pretentious like shit sometime. Sometime a girl who’s impressed by a double henny with one ice cube >>>> a girl who wants to know about what Ivy League school I went to). And if someone’s upset with my description of this party….
Ruff Buff BBQ – 1pm – Riverside Park – 145th St. & Riverside Drive – I heard so much about this event last year. Mofos hid the ball from me last year. Not this year mofo. This event was described to me as “10 to Life waiting to happen.” I’d beg to differ. I think this will 100% be the most popping strictly BBQ of the summer. (Grits was technically a club. Crawfish was technically a day party. Whatever else I missed doesn’t count. Whatever else I went to, I was too drunk to remember the event.) FREE FOOD AND FREE LIQUOR – do I really need to say more? If this doesn’t make you want to turn up, delete this email. Lose my number. I hate you. If I see you, this will happen
Swimming with Sharks – 3pm – Le Bain, The Standard – 444 W. 13th St – Last time I really didn’t know what to say about this event. I still really don’t know but I do know that this jawn gonna be live as all hell. This is their last party of the year. The RSVP list is closed but I have received info that if you’re there early, you’ll get in. Please, please, please go and turn up. If you happen to see me there, I will be doing this.
Warm Up 2013 – 3pm-9pm – MoMa PS 1 – 22-25 Jackson Ave – This is a pretty cool outdoor concert series that has some (what I’m told) pretty good artist: Julio Bashmore, Octave One, Hyetal and DJ Dodger Stadium (I don’t know who any of these people are). It’s $15 in advance and $18 at the door so it wont beat you in the head either. If you’re looking to curve the Saturday during the day movement in exchange for a nice little date opportunity, I’d consider it. Won’t be me. It’s only cuffing pre-season. Cuffing regular season starts Tuesday, September 3rd (the weekend after Labor Day). I have a two-week bye and I won’t be cuffing until at least September 15th. (Gotta let Yom Kippur pass, you never know, I might can swing me a Jewish girl before she atones and what not).
Better Baller Athletics Presents: Hoops for Hope Summer Soiree – 8-11pm – Griffin – 50 Gansevoort St. – I know nothing about this event except that its $25 with an hour long open bar and is allegedly for a good cause. I’d consider it if I had some time to kill. Buy tickets ahead of time at – hostcommittee.com/event/
The Do Over – 2pm – Beekman Beer Garden Beach Club – 89 South St. @ Pier 17 – I told you on Memorial Day Weekend that this was gonna be the flappiest event of the weekend. Did I lie? Did I mislead you? Was I wrong? I think I was 100% correct. #Fcukwithmeyouknowigotit Do I need to say more? RSVP list is closed but get there early and/or hop the fence like we did last time.
Sky Blue – White Shirt + Blue Jeans Experience – 3pm – Copacabana – 268 W. 47th St. – This is thrown by the Block Association. I didn’t want to put this on the list. But I know this has to be someone’s speed or else they wouldn’t throw these parties. They’re claiming that no one gets in without a white shirt and plain blue jeans. I swear that is the outfit that the youth choir wears on the third Sunday when they perform, right before the offering goes around again for the church building fund. The middle of the summer and they’re not letting women wear denim shorts (has to be directed toward women because what men still wear denim shorts). Women can wear whatever they want as long as they look good. How dare these misogynists define female sexuality through their hetero-normative societal constructs of femininity? (If you follow the right people on twitter, you to could be or sound like a feminist too!)
That’s neither here not there and all I know is when I get their emails I say
I hope this has provided a road map of flap. Feel free to forward me any events you’d like me to consider adding to the Flap Street Journal. If i some how offended you…