Football is almost back….

You have to check out this article. Its an EsPN page 2 article on NFL news and notes and it happens to be one of the funniest stories that I have heard in a while. It was written by DJ Gallo and you can find the actual article http://uristocrat.com/2010/11/air-jordan-xiii-gs-whitepinkgrey/

Ill put the ones that I think are the funniest here:

Buffalo Bills: Rookie linebacker Paul Posluszny says he feels at home with the Bills because general manager Marv Levy’s smell reminds him of Joe Paterno …

Miami Dolphins: The first week of camp was spent convincing new head coach Cam Cameron that his playbook consisting of 450 pages of the words “Give the ball to LaDainian Tomlinson” would not work well for the Dolphins …

Cincinnati Bengals: Cincinnati’s defensive line will be harder to penetrate this season as all of them are shackled together … The Bengals have cut down on their off-field transgressions by robbing officials, staff members and fans while still on the field.

Cleveland Browns It took three hours to take Cleveland’s team photo in order to get one shot in which Brady Quinn wasn’t doing anything that would get him made fun of all over the Internet … Head coach Romeo Crennel says he plans to flip a coin again later this season to decide whether to accept his firing or simply submit his resignation.
Houston Texans: New quarterback Matt Schaub says he regrets that his plan to rat out Michael Vick to the feds in order to take over the starting job in Atlanta did not pan out in time …

Indianapolis Colts: Peyton Manning missed a day of camp to film an eBay commercial in which he attempts to sell his brother Eli to another family … Tight end Dallas Clark was disappointed to see this year’s “Madden NFL 08” commercials show him getting decapitated.

Jacksonville Jaguars: The Jaguars practiced without pads Thursday, except for running back Fred Taylor, who was dressed in medieval battle armor and then placed inside a protective bubble filled with styrofoam packing peanuts … Unfortunately, the bubble rolled into Byron Leftwich and broke his leg … Taylor accidentally inhaled one of the packing peanuts and was unable to be resuscitated … Most fans at Jaguars camp said they would much rather be at a Florida Gators practice.

Tennessee Titans: LenDale White took camp very seriously, even going as far as having two-a-days on breakfast, lunch and dinner and three-a-days on dessert … Vince Young just punched his agent for talking him into the Madden cover.

Denver Broncos: Coaches say new Broncos running back Travis Henry has all the tools necessary to thrive in Denver’s system. He has legs. And also arms, a torso and a head. The only thing Henry needs to work on are ethical issues over his blockers taking out the knees of his would-be tacklers … Head coach Mike Shanahan has completed his preseason regimen of chemical injections to get his skin to a glowing Broncos Orange …

Kansas City Chiefs: Larry Johnson’s new contract pays him a $25,000 bonus every time he feels disrespected and is expected to earn him $75 billion over the life of the deal.

Oakland Raiders: Owner Al Davis is said to be so excited about this season that he purchased a new gold chain for his lady glasses … Doctors have diagnosed new head coach Lane Kiffin’s mystery ailment as a very severe case of regret … New quarterback Daunte Culpepper was disappointed to arrive in Oakland only to discover Randy Moss had already left.

Dallas Cowboys: Players say they enjoy training camp more under Wade Phillips than Bill Parcells, because Phillips is more laid back, but mainly because he doesn’t wear skin-tight, polyester baseball shorts every day … Terrell Owens has led all players at camp in the number of passes defensed … Tony Romo says his turn-ons are country singers, immobile starting quarterbacks and kicking tees. my edit: Hahahahahahahahahaha. hahahahahahaha..

New York Giants: Tom Coughlin says the Giants have yet to find a replacement for Tiki Barber, but thinks the team has several players who could undermine his authority just as well … The Giants are using the $14,288 they are fining Michael Strahan each day to create Coughlin’s severance package … Giants coaches say they are encouraged that Eli Manning is now wearing Pampers Cruisers, designed for the active baby.

Philadelphia Eagles: Donovan McNabb says he is as healthy as ever and can now even projectile vomit … Kick returner Jeremy Bloom is also 100 percent healthy but has looked slow running back kicks because of his skis.

my edit: I actually like McNabb, but this is just too funny.

Washington Redskins: Coaches say new linebacker London Fletcher-Baker reminds them a lot of former Bills linebacker London Fletcher, only older and slower … Players who have finished reading Al Saunders’ 700-page playbook were shocked to discover that Harry Potter dies at the end.

Chicago Bears: Rookie tight end and Miami Hurricanes product Greg Olsen was excited to discover his dorm room at training camp was on the 7th Flo’.

Detroit Lions: Head coach Rod Marinelli built team unity by handing out “Fire Millen” T-shirts on the first day of camp … Wide receiver Roy Williams says that if the score means nothing again this year, the Lions will go 16-0 … Marinelli says the Lions purposely average only two or three yards a carry to pull the defense up to the line of scrimmage so they can then throw long.

Green Bay Packers: The Packers took one day off during camp to attend the retirement party of longtime backup Aaron Rodgers …

Minnesota Vikings: Rookie running back Adrian Peterson has impressed in his first camp, and coaches say he might also be the team’s best quarterback … Quarterback Tarvaris Jackson will wear actual Viking horns on his helmet this season in hopes of making opposing defenses think twice about sacking him on every play.

Atlanta Falcons: Players on the Falcons admit they expect Joey Harrington to be charged by authorities later this season with Falcon killing … The Falcons do not expect to sign Morten Andersen this year, as they do not expect to ever cross the 50-yard line … With Michael Vick not at camp, other players took turns flipping off fans in hopes of keeping some normalcy around the team.

New Orleans Saints: The Saints worked hard on a new ball-control, clock-eating offense, consisting mainly of one play in which Reggie Bush runs around and around in circles for two minutes, ultimately gaining just a single yard …

Tampa Bay Buccaneers: Teammates have begun calling Cadillac Williams “Yugo,” “Hyundai” or “1976 AMC Pacer” … Jon Gruden says the Buccaneers are planning to sign Jeff George, Vinny Testaverde and Vince Evans.

St. Louis Rams: Sources tell me that quarterback Marc Bulger is the godfather of a West Virginia alumni crime syndicate and that Pacman Jones and Chris Henry are merely low-level foot soldiers … Running back Steven Jackson says that for months he has been getting issues of several handgun magazines that were mistakenly mailed to him instead of Stephen Jackson of the Golden State Warriors.

Seattle Seahawks:Coaches say Shaun Alexander is back to 100 percent and can run out of bounds as quickly as ever.